I had a baby boy!

Just to Clarify

2008-05-09T13:30:29Z

Hi.

Just to clarify...I do want to have another child. for me and my family. I was just very upset and overreacted like I do sometimes when I am upset about things and wonder if I am actually being a good mom and if I really should be qualified to do the work.

I love being a mom. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me. Paul is a wonderful little boy and I am so priveledged to have him in my life. He's just so wonderful, and I can't wait to add another perfect little addition to our clan.

:)

thoughts on another child....

2008-01-30T02:24:25Z

Hi.

Relax, I am not pregnant!

I just have been thinking about some things and I wanted to just write them in here maybe for better clarity for my own self.

I definately want to have ONE more child some day. Chris has his days when he does and when he doesn't, so I'd say he's about 50/50 on the subject.

We always said we wanted to have our children close together in age so they would be young enough to grow up together and be each others playmates but to have our first child old enough to be more self sufficiant.

Chris said something to me the other day that really got me thinking....he said that I make the most money between us (which is true) and b/c we just went out and bought a house, there is NO way I will be able to take a year (hell, even 3 months) of maternity leave if we have another child when we origionally said we wanted too.

{just FYI: we had said that when Paul turned 1, we would seriously discuss the possiblity and probably when he turned 1.5 we would start trying for number 2}.

I already feel jipped b/c I wasn't able to take my year the first time with Paul...I really enjoy the special bonding that happens between a mom and her child, especially in teh first year (or 7 months right now which is where I am at).

So, I know that Chris is totally thinking from a financial standpoint and he totally has a very good point. If I get pregnant when we said we wanted too, or even earlier, I would probably only be off long enough to have the baby and be back a week later.

Therefore, I figured out that things are going to be SUPER tight financially for the next 32 months (this month included). (21 months, this month included, and we will be done paying for Chris' schooling, and 32 months, this month included we will be done with our personal loan from when we were stupid and ran up credit cards, my schooling and bought a stupid air purifier that was a gazzillion dollars).

32 months from now is about September 2010. I will be 30.5 years old. Paul will be 3 years old.

That's not too bad...b/c 32 months from now, we will have almost one of my whole pay checks EXTRA above bills every month....we could afford another baby by then. (provided we don't get stupid in the mean time).

So, that technically means that if we wait until Paul is about 2.5 years old (like around xmas 2009) to start trying for number two, even if we got pregnant right away, we wouldn't give birth till September 2010 when our last tight payment will be, so I could take the year of mat leave off and things would be much better.

I just don't know if I want my kids 3.5 years apart though....that just seems really far apart...but I don't want to be stupid though either....

SO, unless we come into a good sum of money *cough for affect* that is probably the way it will be.

Its sad though, that our young stupidness is the thing preventing us from having another child and being able to comfortably afford him or her.

But, there is nothing I can do about that now.

*stupid*

A first

2008-01-21T22:00:59Z

OMG....Everyone listen!!!!!

My baby, Mr. Paul, for the VERY first time in the history of his little 7 month life, ROLLED OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cheers*

I am one PROUD mama! :)

I actually missed the first one.

Here is what happened:

I had to pee. I put Paul down on his play mat on his tummy, and put his toy hedgehog in front of him to occupy him while I went to the washroom. (not uncommon, a girls' gotta pee sometimes!). Anyways, when I got back, there was Paul on his back!!! He'd rollen over ALL by himself!!! I was so excited!!!

I explained to him that I HAD to see him do it again b/c I am a sap and I have to confirm that he actually did it himself. SO, I put him back on his tummy and waited. It took him a few minutes of kicking the air and things but HE DID IT!!!!!!!!

I picked him up, showered him with kisses and encouragement and told him how proud I was of him and that we have to call EVERYONE and tell him what he'd just done.

He thought that was pretty funny and laughed and was all smiles. I think he knew he'd done something good :)

Anyways, I'm excited. Leave a note!

eeeppppppp

2008-01-16T20:10:09Z

Paul is 71/2 months old almost! The time just flies by so quickly

I just wanted to say that we just bought Paul a $118000.00 bathtub!!!!!!!!! We get it on Feb. 29th!

he'd better like it!

:)

Paul's 6 Month drs appointment

2007-12-17T22:33:20Z

Hi!

Today was Paul's 6 month drs appointment. He is actually 6.5 months but this is the earliest appointment I could get since I had to change his last appointment due to be going back to work and things.

Anyways, the appointment went well. Paul now recognizes where he is....b/c he was totally fine till we got into the room where we would give him needles...so he screamed. BUT he did enjoy looking at the baby in the mirror at the drs office and he loved the attention from the receptionists at the office and things of that nature. He even smiled at the dr...until the dr tried to do stuff to him. I got the dr to check Paul for a cold and possible ear infection...but he is fine :) It's just teething, so that's good at least. Anyways, Paul is 29 inches tall and 21.5 pounds!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it either! Paul is in no way fat or chunky, but he is definately a big boy!

I just wanted to update....Paul just woke up so I must run and attend to him.

Leave a note

Paul's first solid food!!!!

2007-11-05T02:23:36Z

Hi!

Today was a really big day for us here. Paul is 5 months old today and to celebrate this milestone, we decided to finally be brave and go out and get a highchair and give Paul his very first solid food. (rice cereal of course :P). Chris and I were so excitedly nervous and Paul had no idea what was going on.

We got the highchair that straps to our regular kitchen chairs b/c we just don't have the room to put a real highchair in here, but we got a really nice one on sale and Paul does like it so that's important.

We decided to attempt this venture for his dinner bottle. He had his bottle as normal and then I mixed up the cereal in a bowl and while I did that Chris told Paul all about his highchair and all that was going to happen so he wouldn't be scared. Chris put him in his seat and he just was so facinated by the numbers and colours on the tray thingy it was quite amusing.

We used the baby spoon that Chris used when he was a baby with Paul and we took lots of pictures that u can see a few of, behind the cut a lil later on. Paul ate the food really well and seemed to like it well enough. He didn't choke which was our major worry, even though it was runny and things. lol

Anyways, I just had to tell you all about it. Now, on with the pictures:

pictures

2007-11-03T14:26:50Z

Hi!

It's been forever since I posted some pictures of my little man. So, I will post some random pictures of him in no paticular order.

When chris gets home tonight if it's not too late, or tomorrow for sure, we are going to look into getting a high chair for Paul. He's almost basically ready for solids now...to start on the cereal thing and I want him to have something to sit in beforehand. We are looking into getting a chair that straps onto our chairs b/c we have such a small space.

On with the pics!!!! PS: not dial up friendly!

Hope you liked them!!!

Guilt

2007-10-17T19:21:40Z

Hi.

Paul is 4 months old now. He seems to be growing up so fast...he's already into size 3 diapers and basically in 6 month clothes. I can hardly believe it. Every time I look at him, he seems like such a little boy now, than a baby. I mean, already, he sits up on his own with support, he makes squealing noises when he's happy, he blows spit bubbles, he loves to be kissed and cuddled. He can stand with weight supporting himself pretty well. He has the most charming smile I think I have ever seen. He's just amazing.

I think about how much he's grown since he was born and I feel so guilty. It probably sounds so stupid to you, but I feel such guilt for the way I felt those first 6 weeks of his life. I didn't feel at all the way I thought I would feel about having him home with me, or I didn't feel the way I feel about him now. I have such guilt over it b/c I feel like I jipped him and myself for that special time. I was so worried about just getting thru the day in one piece and I wanted so badly for me to wake up and he be 20 years old and out on his own. Now, I obviously don't feel at all like that. I love my son to pieces. He means the world to me. I've never loved him like I love anyone else in my life. it's so amazing.

I know he is going to grow so fast...he's already growing so fast, and the weeks just seem to fly by for the most part, and I want to cherish every little moment I have with him b/c I know those special moments are limited. I just can't imagine him growing up....it blows my mind to think he will grow up and be his own person some day.

I was just looking at pictures that were taken the day I had Paul and those first few weeks...and I can't remember him being that small...but I remember how I felt in those pictures and I am embarassed to say, that I was feeling not too loving toward him. I definately liked Paul, but I didn't love him. I felt abandoned by everyone and so overwhelmed. I thought I'd made a mistake having him and if someone could have waved a magic wand and took the whole pregnancy and everything away, I would have done it. Isn't that the MOST horrible thing u have ever heard????

NOW< I can't believe I actually thought that. I am so ashamed of thinking that stuff back then. But I am so glad that he is healthy and alive and with me every day. He's so amazing, and he is the best thing Chris and I have ever done.

I love being a mom. I love the way Paul looks at me. I love the way he holds onto me, or how we have that special time when I feed him or when we have our bed time routine. It's so great.

Anyways, I just wish I didn't feel the way I felt at the beginning of his life.

Leave a note :)

Paul's first hair cut pics

2007-09-25T19:23:00Z

Hi.

As promised, here are the pictures of his first ever hair cut.

The very first snip:

Paul getting ready for his hair cut:

how his side now looks:

Paul hysterical:

Paul sitting up to get hair done:

Paul's hair cut from the back:

New front cut:

Paul really mad:

Paul's Haircut

2007-09-25T01:15:44Z

Hi.

Hopefully I will soon have pictures to upload of this event but until then u will have to settle for the play by play.

Paul got his very FIRST ever hair cut today!!! He looks like such a different person. He looks like such a cute little boy (in a totally different way than he did). His hair is cut nice and short and he looks amazing. It took an hour to cut his hair though due to the necessary breaks on everyone involved.

Paul did well for the first two minutes. Then he cried and cried. He SCREAMED bloody murder when Claudia went near his ears though. I almost lost it when he did that. His face got really red and he just cried and kicked and everything. Chris had to struggle to keep him still.

However, in the end, it was totally worth it. Then we came home and gave him a shower to relax him and proceeded on the rest of bed time routine.

Poor chris is worried that Paul hates him for life though :P

Anyways, leave a note :)

problems in paradice

2007-09-22T13:07:08Z

hey,

I have been using my other journal most of the time lately because of my super slow computer.

Chris and I had a big fight this morning. It was not pretty. I said some things I regret, and I mostly didn't say things the way I should have and Chris stormed out to go do his clients and will be gone till this evening most likely.

Being new parents is not easy, that is for sure and for the most part, Chris and I have gotten along pretty well. However....

I just seem to be getting angrier and angrier at Chris as the days go on. Sometimes I mention stuff and others I just don't.

The arguement:

Basically, this arguement stemmed from Chris working all the time and not being home. Yesterday, he was only suppose to be gone an hour and had laid on this guilt trip about making dinner, so I made dinnere and he was gone almost 3 hours which pissed me off. Then he has these three clients to do today. He thinks I don't appreciate how hard he is working so we can have money to do the extra things we have been able to do. I DO appreciate how hard he works but I don't think it's all that necessary. I would much rather him be at home and we are just making ends meet and not doing extra things as much as we have to have him around more. I think he uses his landscaping work as an excuse why he doesn't have to be at home so much b/c he doesn't want to deal with Paul. Chris says that isn't true that he has committments, which I know is also true, but still.

Anyways, that turned into Paul and I being at the bottom of his important list, and how he takes advantage of me that I will just DO all this stuff and when he is home he really doesn't do much at all in the evenings during the week. He makes a HUGE deal if I ask him to have a shower with paul or feed paul or whatever. He never washes a bottle or stalizes them or makes bottles for the next day even once in a while would be nice, instead he complains how I never want to spend time with him after paul goes to bed....(well I am too busy doing the above mentioned things and then I am friggin whipped and want to go to bed b/c I KNOW paul will be waking up early the next morning and I want to get some sleep).

Then that turned into how he uses his family as an excuse not to have to pay attention to Paul. (b/c if it's his mom, she wants to be with him so Chris is off the hook and if it's his dad and brother, well, they are too busy doing fun things like swimming or playing on the playstation to pay attention to Pual and I will just do it). That side like turned into Chris going home with paul for thanksgiving and me staying here.

Then that turned into Chris' wood carving class thing being another reason to be gone. He couldn't just wait and do it in the winter season when he doesn't have anything else to do. He then said I should do something for fun too, which I replied I can't b/c Chris works too much and we can't afford a sitter for me to do something, and besides, I will just have to come home and clean up after the mess he made anyways (the above mentioned bottles for instance) so it's not worth it. (that is when he stormed out).

That is just the basics of what we argued about.

I know Chris is a good father and husband and I know that I am very lucky to have such an attentive, helpful partner and I shouldn't complain, but I still get pissed off sometimes and I think I have a right to get angry now and again. Plus, I don't think I should be the only one solely responsible for taking care of Paul all day long, every day. Money isn't everything. Having Chris around is MORE important than giving Paul xyz.

Anyways, that's the news.

I

Loosing my mind

2007-08-13T20:04:08Z

HI

I saw this on babycenter. It is about the amount of sleep children need at each age. I wanted to keep it for my records so here it is:

Age Nighttime Sleep Daytime Sleep * Total Sleep
1 month 8 1/2 7 (3) 15 1/2
3 months 10 5 (3) 15
6 months 11 3 1/4 (2) 14 1/4
9 months 11 3 (2) 14
12 months 11 1/4 2 1/2 (2) 13 3/4
18 months 11 1/4 2 1/4 (1) 13 1/2
2 years 11 2 (1) 13
3 years 10 1/2 1 1/2 (1) 12

Paul is driving me crazy today!!!!

He won't sleep!!! He woke up for the day at 5:30am which is the earliest he has been up in a few weeks, which is neither here nor there, but he won't sleep! I can tell he is over tired and cranky, but he won't sleep. I tried laying him down for his usual morning nap and it lasted an hour which is fine but he has been a perfect bear ever since and he is so tired and he won't sleep. I am so frusturated. He is currently screaming right now as I type this in his room b/c I am on my last nerve. I can't wait till chris gets home.

My baby does the hanky panky....

2007-08-09T16:17:57Z

hi

Well...Paul went to his big drs appointment on Tuesday. He got his first needles..one in each thigh. I couldn't even look and boy, did he ever scream!!! I felt SO horrible for him. I picked him up and cuddled him as soon as I could. Poor thing. :( That definitely I chalk up to "I did it for his own good". Anyways, he got weighed and I am pleased to announce that he weighs 13 pounds and 5 oz, thus ALMOST doubling his birth weight of 7 pounds 8 oz! (and he's only 9 weeks old!). The doctor was very pleased with how things seem to be going, he and the staff all commented that he looked like a little boy now as opposed to just a baby. *snif* My little man is growing up!

Paul was fussy in the evening after his appointment, but I am relieved to say that he didn't get a fever, or bruising or anything like that. He even still slept 10 hours during the night, which was amazing. He's such a good little boy. I just love him to pieces.

Oh..wanna know something really stupidly dumb?

okay....

It's only been 9 weeks since Paul was born and I am feeling pretty much back to my old self before I had him and things and I am already thinking of actually wanting another baby so Paul can have a sibling! How dumb is that? Of course, I don't want to get pregnant any time soon. I want to wait at least a year if not more before trying for number 2...but the fact that I can actually think about a second child right now, just boggles my mind. I would definitely be having another child for Paul, not for me though. I am content with just him...but I don't want him to be alone, so having any more children would be doing it for him. :)

Anyways, I must run...paul should be getting up from his nap soon-ish.

baby routine

2007-08-02T13:49:27Z

Hi!

Okay, so today I am trying to start putting Paul on a nap time routine. (b/c I have been having trouble pin pointing how often and when Paul has been sleeping during the day). SO far so good. Here is what I am trying to do:

When Paul gets up during the day (meaning any time after 5am), give him his bottle and keep him up and entertain him till after his second bottle, then try laying him down for his morning nap. When he gets up from his morning nap, give him a bottle and keep him up, entertaining him till after his fourth bottle, then lay him down for his afternoon nap. When he wakes up from that, give him a bottle and keep him up till after the bed time routine when we will put him down for the night.

So far, he woke up for the day at 6:10am and it was very difficult keeping him awake till his next bottle b/c I have normally tried to put him right back to sleep in the past only b/c I didn't want to be up for the day, but I realized that I can't do that after he's slept 7, 8 or 9 hours during the night...he needs to be up. SO, we played and I read him stories etc and all that jazz. Then he started rubbing his eyes around 8:30am, so I gave him a bottle and put him down for his morning nap around 9:15am. So far so good...*crosses fingers*

I know how important it is to be consistent...and I am not worried really about the time of when his naps are etc, but I want to be consistent about how i put him down for a nap and how long in between naps he goes...ie...after every second bottle he goes for a nap kinda deal. So long as he gets a morning and afternoon nap its all good. (especially since Paul is basically sleeping thru the night now and gets a large lump of sleep during that time, he really only has to have two..to three...naps a day). I'm not turning the lights down low or anything like that b/c otherwise he will think it's night time and I don't want him to do that...I need him to know it's day time but he's having a nap so I can help him to distinguish things.

On other news, I think we are getting a sitter tonight *cheers* one of chris' co workers is coming over for a few hours. I think Chris and I are going to go to the beach and go swimming and maybe out for a coffee in the evening! I'm excited :)

That's my news for now...Leave a note :)

more pictures

2007-07-28T01:47:33Z

HI!

I stole these pictures from my brother, Brad, from their visit. Enjoy!

Paul Looking at Karsha:

Karsha burping Paul:

Paul looking over Karsha's shoulder:

a really cute picture of Brad and Paul:

Paul:

Paul eating:

Paul smiling:

Paul and Brad:

Paul:

Uncle Brad and Aunt Karsha

2007-07-25T18:28:50Z

Hi!!!

Yesterday, my brother, Brad, and his wife, Karsha, came over to visit us and to see Paul. We had such a great time. They haven't seen Paul since he was one day old, so it was very nice to see them. I commented to them that if this is what it took to see them so often, I would have had children YEARS ago! lol hehe. Anyways, they got here around 4pm and left around 9pm. Paul was in his bouncer chair when they got here and he (paul) fussed immediately, so I literally lifted him up, told Brad he wasn't as fragile not and handed paul over to him. It was quite amusing. hehe.

We went for dinner to my favourite restaurant. We got there late, so we were the only ones eating at the time, so when Paul got fussy, Chris 'flew' Paul around the room over and over playing airplane. It was pretty funny. Paul really liked it. The waitress even took him for awhile so we could eat. lol

Anyways, behind the cut are some pictures...I have no idea on the size b/c I don't know how to change them. so beware!!!

this is a really good picture of me that brad took:

this is Chris' mom and Paul:

this is uncle Brad, Aunt Karsha and Paul:

uncle Brad and Paul:

aunt Karsha feeding paul:

Leave a note!

Paul update

2007-07-12T00:55:27Z

Hi!

Paul had his doctor's appointment today. It went well :) He has grown another 1/2 an inch...and now is 22 inches long and he weighs...get this! 11 pounds 1 oz!!!! I nearly fell over! I can't believe it! He now weighs more than my cats :) hehe. The doctor was very impressed with him and how he is growing so that is awsome. We go back early next month for his first round of shots poor thing!

I was so proud of Paul last night! He went to bed and was asleep by 11pm and he didn't wake up till 7am when we had to get up anyways!!! How awsome is that! I was so excited!!! He did fabulous! Also, Chris and I went to the movies last night and left Paul with a co worker of his for the evening. I was pretty nervous b/c she wasn't family and I didn't know her that well, but it went great. Chris and I had a nice time alone and Paul was very well behaved and didn't cry really till just before we got there!

Paul and Chris just had a shower together, and I gave Paul a massage afterwards and put on his pjs, which he is starting to grow out of almost all of the newborn and the o-3month ones :( It's so sad that he is growing up so fast!!! Chris is feeding him so I can have some time to relax for a bit which is so nice :)

Anyways, that is it for now. Leave a note!

Paul pictures:

2007-07-10T17:48:46Z

Hi!

Here are some pictures taken from our new digital camera. :) they are mostly all of Paul who is super cute and is already 5 weeks old!

Enjoy!

Chris and Paul sleeping

Paul's one month birthday

Lisa and cheerleader77's baby, Alex

mom and Lisa being funny:

Paul getting ready to play a game

Paul playing a game

Paul in the hot tub

Paul in a sweater:

Paul in an outfit:

shower baby

2007-07-05T17:13:06Z

Hi!

I keep forgetting to write in this journal! lol Paul was being super fussy, but I think it was because he wasn't feeling too good b/c after he ate his bottle he threw it all back up again. That was super pleasant. I got him and me and the couch all cleaned up again, but he was pretty upset afterwards and fussy. I tried my best to comfort and distract him. He finally went back down for a nap about 12:30pm. He's been a good little sleeper since last night. He went down about midnight and got up at 4:45am but was back to sleep by 5:15am and slept till 7:40am then back to sleep by 8:30am...back up again by 10:45am and back to sleep at 12:30pm. That's a little unusual...he doesn't normally sleep that much during the day anymore...maybe it's a growth spurt or something.

Last night, we decided to have a shower with Paul again. It's the second time. IT was really funny. He practically almost fell asleep in the shower from the water etc. It was so neat. He really seems to like showers. He never cries unless he is getting cold. Chris holds him while I clean him. It is a good working system...then I take him out and get him in his pjs while Chris finishes showering.

I can't believe that Paul is one month old already!!! The time has actually gone pretty fast when u stop to think about it. I feel like I just know him from somewhere...he seems so familiar to me. Very strange he has only been around for a month instead of my whole life.

anyways, I should run....Leave a note

Splish Splash we're taking a bath...

2007-06-26T18:35:59Z

Hi!

The neatest thing happened last night. Chris and I had a shower with Paul for the first time. Technically, it was Chris having a shower with Paul, but he was afraid on the in case that Paul got too slippery, he wanted me in there for assurance. So, we did. It was so much fun. I washed Paul while Chris held him. The absolute funny thing is he NEVER cried...not even a whimper! NOTHING. I was very surprised. I thought for sure he would be scared, but NOPE. He was quiet. He seemed to really like it. Then I held him for awhile and he pee'd on me. lol That was hilarious. Luckily, I was already in the water...so no worries.

we had a great time!!!!

leave a note

I must be getting attached :)

2007-06-23T19:38:09Z

Hi!

Chris took the baby with him to do his clients' gardens today to give me a bit of a break, as Paul has been with me consistently since we got home from chris' mom's baby shower on the 10th of June. I was SO excited that Chris was taking him and I would have some time baby free to just relax and chill out.

They've been gone for 4.5 hours, and I really miss Paul already!!! That's so funny. I think I must actually be starting to become attached to the little guy. hehe. It's a good thing, especially because this is the first time I have even had the chance to miss him. I just love him. He's so great. Such a wonderful baby...I couldn't have asked for a better child.

I am feeling much better now than I was this morning when I first got up. I was feeling pretty depressed and down about motherhood and everything earlier, but now, I am feeling so much better adn I can't wait to hold Paul when he gets home with his daddy!!!

PS on a side note, can anyone tell me if I am suppose to be using the same kind of bottle for Paul to avoid "nipple confusion?" I heard that and I am just curious b/c I have different kinds of bottles I have been using for him...and he seems to be fine with it...but I am just wondering if I should only buy one kind of bottle and use that?

thanx

leave a note :)

I love being a mom today!

2007-06-21T00:47:15Z

Hi!

I think I might possibly be starting to like this whole mom business :) I have had a really good day today with Paul. We kept really busy all day, with meeting daddy for his coffee break, and going to mommy's work to show him off and have a BBQ, to picking daddy up from work and his naps. He was a bit fussy for a short period of time, but that is it. He's such a wonderful baby. I am very lucky!

Today, I was feeding Paul, like always, and I just loved looking at him. He has the best face and the cutest ever sounds when he is eating. It's just precious. Plus, he would grab onto my finger while feeding or try holding my shirt to grab onto me. It was so great...it was like he really knew that I was his mom. It was so cool. I just couldn't help but love him for that.

Plus, last night, Chris was so jealous because I gave Paul his bath and his massage and he didn't cry for me!!! (yet he yells bloody murder for chris!). lol I got a real kick out of that :P

Tomorrow, we have no plans....Chris has the car and is working all day, but he only has one client's lawn to cut, so he won't be too super late, so that's great for me. :) Cheryl is coming over Friday morning some time for coffee I think...but other than that, so far, I have no plans.

Leave a note!

Parenting anxiety again

2007-06-18T00:53:30Z

Hi

Paul is being fussy tonight. I have no idea why. It's very frustrating b/c he can't tell me what is the matter. Chris is taking care of him now b/c I can't do it. That of course freaks me out b/c I am just not sure I can do this parenting thing. I mean...18 years...that is going to take SO long. yet, I know that if I ask anyone who has grown children, they will all say that the time went way too fast....I just can't see it right now.

I still feel very overwhelmed about this whole parenting thing. I don't think I would make a good stay at home mom. I hope that actually can get a full time job soon, then chris can stay at home with him. Chris would be better at it than me anyways. He has more imagination and can keep Paul entertained much easier than I could, especially when Paul gets more active and needing the stimulation.

I just totally question my parenting ability. I don't think I am doing that great of a job. One minute I just love being a mom and the next, I wonder what the hell did I do? lol I have no idea how mothers do it. I can't remember how my mom entertained us and made it seem normal...that she just felt like her days were normal. I dunno. My whole life feels like it's turned upside down...and I have no idea what I am doing. I literally count the hours till chris gets home during the week and I dread mondays b/c it's the beginning of a new week of work for him...and I will be alone with paul all day.

Anyways, I have to go...paul needs a bath

Anxious

2007-06-15T12:32:38Z

Hi

Chris was lucky enough to have had all last week off of work so he could be with us. It was the best gift ever, if you ask me, b/c I have those baby blues thing and there is no way I could have gotten thru that week without him. This week, it has been back to reality....Chris working all day AND doing his clients and landscaping that he has to do. I was so nervous about being home ALL day with the baby ALONE yesterday. Luckily, he was home by 6:30pm...but none of his clients needed their lawn's cut, so we made no money and it's not normal for him to have been home so early. Today, he has a client from 6 to 9 for sure....so I won't see him till 9:30pm at the earliest. I am dreading it. The day is just SO long. I don't know how people do it.

I usually do pretty okay till about 5pm. I can seem to handle that pretty okay. However, after 5pm till when Chris gets home is very hard. (It was always like that even before the baby btw, but now that we have the baby, it seems even more prevalent). I find the time really drags after that magical 5pm time. Yesterday, b/c I was sure chris would be gone till 9pm at the earliest, I waited till just after 5pm to take Paul out for a walk. It was cooler outside and it was just nice to get out, and I needed to get a stamp anyways.

Today, I am not really sure what I am going to do. I have my friend, M, coming over some time this morning for an hour or so to visit and see the baby. Plus, she is bringing me some of her bottles etc that she doesn't need anymore. That will pass the time a bit. I probably will have a nap in the afternoon for a bit if Paul sleeps, so that will pass some of the time. We might go for a walk again in the evening as well....so hopefully that will all help.

I just am not really sure how all the other mom's who have a husband who works so much (or even worse, are single mom's) deal with being a mom day in and day out. It just seems so overwhelming.

Anyways, that's my news for now. Leave a note

mommyhood

2007-06-15T01:47:07Z

Hi

To continue with things...I got to come home from the hospital last Wednesday. I cried the whole way home. I am positive I had a case of those baby blues. All I did was cry all last week. When we got home, we took pics of Paul coming into the house for the first time etc. We showed him around and everything like that.

I tried to breastfeed....I even rented a pump from the hospital to help with my flow etc b/c Paul was having trouble being satisfied etc. He would be up with me for 4 hours in the middle of the night and my boobs were just so sore by the end of those 4 hours, I had nothing left to give, so I broke down and supplemented with formula. We decided officially last night that we aren't going to breastfeed him anymore. We are just going to go the formula route. I was only getting 25mls from both of my breasts after pumping and he is drinking 100mls at a time. It was really frustrating me and my flow isn't improving.

Aside from that, I have to say that we have such a wonderful well behaved little baby boy. He is just the absolute cutest thing ever. He sleeps well now, and eats like a champ and all that jazz.

Anyways, I have to run for now...so tired...need to sleep... Leave a note