hey,

I have been using my other journal most of the time lately because of my super slow computer.

Chris and I had a big fight this morning. It was not pretty. I said some things I regret, and I mostly didn't say things the way I should have and Chris stormed out to go do his clients and will be gone till this evening most likely.

Being new parents is not easy, that is for sure and for the most part, Chris and I have gotten along pretty well. However....

I just seem to be getting angrier and angrier at Chris as the days go on. Sometimes I mention stuff and others I just don't.

The arguement:

Basically, this arguement stemmed from Chris working all the time and not being home. Yesterday, he was only suppose to be gone an hour and had laid on this guilt trip about making dinner, so I made dinnere and he was gone almost 3 hours which pissed me off. Then he has these three clients to do today. He thinks I don't appreciate how hard he is working so we can have money to do the extra things we have been able to do. I DO appreciate how hard he works but I don't think it's all that necessary. I would much rather him be at home and we are just making ends meet and not doing extra things as much as we have to have him around more. I think he uses his landscaping work as an excuse why he doesn't have to be at home so much b/c he doesn't want to deal with Paul. Chris says that isn't true that he has committments, which I know is also true, but still.

Anyways, that turned into Paul and I being at the bottom of his important list, and how he takes advantage of me that I will just DO all this stuff and when he is home he really doesn't do much at all in the evenings during the week. He makes a HUGE deal if I ask him to have a shower with paul or feed paul or whatever. He never washes a bottle or stalizes them or makes bottles for the next day even once in a while would be nice, instead he complains how I never want to spend time with him after paul goes to bed....(well I am too busy doing the above mentioned things and then I am friggin whipped and want to go to bed b/c I KNOW paul will be waking up early the next morning and I want to get some sleep).

Then that turned into how he uses his family as an excuse not to have to pay attention to Paul. (b/c if it's his mom, she wants to be with him so Chris is off the hook and if it's his dad and brother, well, they are too busy doing fun things like swimming or playing on the playstation to pay attention to Pual and I will just do it). That side like turned into Chris going home with paul for thanksgiving and me staying here.

Then that turned into Chris' wood carving class thing being another reason to be gone. He couldn't just wait and do it in the winter season when he doesn't have anything else to do. He then said I should do something for fun too, which I replied I can't b/c Chris works too much and we can't afford a sitter for me to do something, and besides, I will just have to come home and clean up after the mess he made anyways (the above mentioned bottles for instance) so it's not worth it. (that is when he stormed out).


That is just the basics of what we argued about.

I know Chris is a good father and husband and I know that I am very lucky to have such an attentive, helpful partner and I shouldn't complain, but I still get pissed off sometimes and I think I have a right to get angry now and again. Plus, I don't think I should be the only one solely responsible for taking care of Paul all day long, every day. Money isn't everything. Having Chris around is MORE important than giving Paul xyz.

Anyways, that's the news.

I