Hi.

Just to clarify...I do want to have another child. for me and my family. I was just very upset and overreacted like I do sometimes when I am upset about things and wonder if I am actually being a good mom and if I really should be qualified to do the work.

I love being a mom. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me. Paul is a wonderful little boy and I am so priveledged to have him in my life. He's just so wonderful, and I can't wait to add another perfect little addition to our clan.

:)

Hi.

Relax, I am not pregnant!

I just have been thinking about some things and I wanted to just write them in here maybe for better clarity for my own self.

I definately want to have ONE more child some day. Chris has his days when he does and when he doesn't, so I'd say he's about 50/50 on the subject.

We always said we wanted to have our children close together in age so they would be young enough to grow up together and be each others playmates but to have our first child old enough to be more self sufficiant.

Chris said something to me the other day that really got me thinking....he said that I make the most money between us (which is true) and b/c we just went out and bought a house, there is NO way I will be able to take a year (hell, even 3 months) of maternity leave if we have another child when we origionally said we wanted too.

{just FYI: we had said that when Paul turned 1, we would seriously discuss the possiblity and probably when he turned 1.5 we would start trying for number 2}.

I already feel jipped b/c I wasn't able to take my year the first time with Paul...I really enjoy the special bonding that happens between a mom and her child, especially in teh first year (or 7 months right now which is where I am at).

So, I know that Chris is totally thinking from a financial standpoint and he totally has a very good point. If I get pregnant when we said we wanted too, or even earlier, I would probably only be off long enough to have the baby and be back a week later.

Therefore, I figured out that things are going to be SUPER tight financially for the next 32 months (this month included). (21 months, this month included, and we will be done paying for Chris' schooling, and 32 months, this month included we will be done with our personal loan from when we were stupid and ran up credit cards, my schooling and bought a stupid air purifier that was a gazzillion dollars).

32 months from now is about September 2010. I will be 30.5 years old. Paul will be 3 years old.

That's not too bad...b/c 32 months from now, we will have almost one of my whole pay checks EXTRA above bills every month....we could afford another baby by then. (provided we don't get stupid in the mean time).

So, that technically means that if we wait until Paul is about 2.5 years old (like around xmas 2009) to start trying for number two, even if we got pregnant right away, we wouldn't give birth till September 2010 when our last tight payment will be, so I could take the year of mat leave off and things would be much better.

I just don't know if I want my kids 3.5 years apart though....that just seems really far apart...but I don't want to be stupid though either....

SO, unless we come into a good sum of money *cough for affect* that is probably the way it will be.

Its sad though, that our young stupidness is the thing preventing us from having another child and being able to comfortably afford him or her.

But, there is nothing I can do about that now.

*stupid*

OMG....Everyone listen!!!!!

My baby, Mr. Paul, for the VERY first time in the history of his little 7 month life, ROLLED OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cheers*

I am one PROUD mama! :)

I actually missed the first one.

Here is what happened:

I had to pee. I put Paul down on his play mat on his tummy, and put his toy hedgehog in front of him to occupy him while I went to the washroom. (not uncommon, a girls' gotta pee sometimes!). Anyways, when I got back, there was Paul on his back!!! He'd rollen over ALL by himself!!! I was so excited!!!

I explained to him that I HAD to see him do it again b/c I am a sap and I have to confirm that he actually did it himself. SO, I put him back on his tummy and waited. It took him a few minutes of kicking the air and things but HE DID IT!!!!!!!!

I picked him up, showered him with kisses and encouragement and told him how proud I was of him and that we have to call EVERYONE and tell him what he'd just done.

He thought that was pretty funny and laughed and was all smiles. I think he knew he'd done something good :)

Anyways, I'm excited. Leave a note!

Paul is 71/2 months old almost! The time just flies by so quickly

I just wanted to say that we just bought Paul a $118000.00 bathtub!!!!!!!!! We get it on Feb. 29th!

he'd better like it!

:)

Hi!

Today was Paul's 6 month drs appointment. He is actually 6.5 months but this is the earliest appointment I could get since I had to change his last appointment due to be going back to work and things.

Anyways, the appointment went well. Paul now recognizes where he is....b/c he was totally fine till we got into the room where we would give him needles...so he screamed. BUT he did enjoy looking at the baby in the mirror at the drs office and he loved the attention from the receptionists at the office and things of that nature. He even smiled at the dr...until the dr tried to do stuff to him. I got the dr to check Paul for a cold and possible ear infection...but he is fine :) It's just teething, so that's good at least. Anyways, Paul is 29 inches tall and 21.5 pounds!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it either! Paul is in no way fat or chunky, but he is definately a big boy!

I just wanted to update....Paul just woke up so I must run and attend to him.

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Hi!

Today was a really big day for us here. Paul is 5 months old today and to celebrate this milestone, we decided to finally be brave and go out and get a highchair and give Paul his very first solid food. (rice cereal of course :P). Chris and I were so excitedly nervous and Paul had no idea what was going on.

We got the highchair that straps to our regular kitchen chairs b/c we just don't have the room to put a real highchair in here, but we got a really nice one on sale and Paul does like it so that's important.

We decided to attempt this venture for his dinner bottle. He had his bottle as normal and then I mixed up the cereal in a bowl and while I did that Chris told Paul all about his highchair and all that was going to happen so he wouldn't be scared. Chris put him in his seat and he just was so facinated by the numbers and colours on the tray thingy it was quite amusing.

We used the baby spoon that Chris used when he was a baby with Paul and we took lots of pictures that u can see a few of, behind the cut a lil later on. Paul ate the food really well and seemed to like it well enough. He didn't choke which was our major worry, even though it was runny and things. lol

Anyways, I just had to tell you all about it. Now, on with the pictures:

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Hi!

It's been forever since I posted some pictures of my little man. So, I will post some random pictures of him in no paticular order.

When chris gets home tonight if it's not too late, or tomorrow for sure, we are going to look into getting a high chair for Paul. He's almost basically ready for solids now...to start on the cereal thing and I want him to have something to sit in beforehand. We are looking into getting a chair that straps onto our chairs b/c we have such a small space.

On with the pics!!!! PS: not dial up friendly!

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Hope you liked them!!!

Hi.

Paul is 4 months old now. He seems to be growing up so fast...he's already into size 3 diapers and basically in 6 month clothes. I can hardly believe it. Every time I look at him, he seems like such a little boy now, than a baby. I mean, already, he sits up on his own with support, he makes squealing noises when he's happy, he blows spit bubbles, he loves to be kissed and cuddled. He can stand with weight supporting himself pretty well. He has the most charming smile I think I have ever seen. He's just amazing.

I think about how much he's grown since he was born and I feel so guilty. It probably sounds so stupid to you, but I feel such guilt for the way I felt those first 6 weeks of his life. I didn't feel at all the way I thought I would feel about having him home with me, or I didn't feel the way I feel about him now. I have such guilt over it b/c I feel like I jipped him and myself for that special time. I was so worried about just getting thru the day in one piece and I wanted so badly for me to wake up and he be 20 years old and out on his own. Now, I obviously don't feel at all like that. I love my son to pieces. He means the world to me. I've never loved him like I love anyone else in my life. it's so amazing.

I know he is going to grow so fast...he's already growing so fast, and the weeks just seem to fly by for the most part, and I want to cherish every little moment I have with him b/c I know those special moments are limited. I just can't imagine him growing up....it blows my mind to think he will grow up and be his own person some day.

I was just looking at pictures that were taken the day I had Paul and those first few weeks...and I can't remember him being that small...but I remember how I felt in those pictures and I am embarassed to say, that I was feeling not too loving toward him. I definately liked Paul, but I didn't love him. I felt abandoned by everyone and so overwhelmed. I thought I'd made a mistake having him and if someone could have waved a magic wand and took the whole pregnancy and everything away, I would have done it. Isn't that the MOST horrible thing u have ever heard????

NOW< I can't believe I actually thought that. I am so ashamed of thinking that stuff back then. But I am so glad that he is healthy and alive and with me every day. He's so amazing, and he is the best thing Chris and I have ever done.

I love being a mom. I love the way Paul looks at me. I love the way he holds onto me, or how we have that special time when I feed him or when we have our bed time routine. It's so great.

Anyways, I just wish I didn't feel the way I felt at the beginning of his life.

Leave a note :)

Hi.

As promised, here are the pictures of his first ever hair cut.

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Hi.

Hopefully I will soon have pictures to upload of this event but until then u will have to settle for the play by play.

Paul got his very FIRST ever hair cut today!!! He looks like such a different person. He looks like such a cute little boy (in a totally different way than he did). His hair is cut nice and short and he looks amazing. It took an hour to cut his hair though due to the necessary breaks on everyone involved.

Paul did well for the first two minutes. Then he cried and cried. He SCREAMED bloody murder when Claudia went near his ears though. I almost lost it when he did that. His face got really red and he just cried and kicked and everything. Chris had to struggle to keep him still.

However, in the end, it was totally worth it. Then we came home and gave him a shower to relax him and proceeded on the rest of bed time routine.

Poor chris is worried that Paul hates him for life though :P

Anyways, leave a note :)

hey,

I have been using my other journal most of the time lately because of my super slow computer.

Chris and I had a big fight this morning. It was not pretty. I said some things I regret, and I mostly didn't say things the way I should have and Chris stormed out to go do his clients and will be gone till this evening most likely.

Being new parents is not easy, that is for sure and for the most part, Chris and I have gotten along pretty well. However....

I just seem to be getting angrier and angrier at Chris as the days go on. Sometimes I mention stuff and others I just don't.

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That is just the basics of what we argued about.

I know Chris is a good father and husband and I know that I am very lucky to have such an attentive, helpful partner and I shouldn't complain, but I still get pissed off sometimes and I think I have a right to get angry now and again. Plus, I don't think I should be the only one solely responsible for taking care of Paul all day long, every day. Money isn't everything. Having Chris around is MORE important than giving Paul xyz.

Anyways, that's the news.

I

HI

I saw this on babycenter. It is about the amount of sleep children need at each age. I wanted to keep it for my records so here it is:
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Paul is driving me crazy today!!!!

He won't sleep!!! He woke up for the day at 5:30am which is the earliest he has been up in a few weeks, which is neither here nor there, but he won't sleep! I can tell he is over tired and cranky, but he won't sleep. I tried laying him down for his usual morning nap and it lasted an hour which is fine but he has been a perfect bear ever since and he is so tired and he won't sleep. I am so frusturated. He is currently screaming right now as I type this in his room b/c I am on my last nerve. I can't wait till chris gets home.

hi

Well...Paul went to his big drs appointment on Tuesday. He got his first needles..one in each thigh. I couldn't even look and boy, did he ever scream!!! I felt SO horrible for him. I picked him up and cuddled him as soon as I could. Poor thing. :( That definitely I chalk up to "I did it for his own good". Anyways, he got weighed and I am pleased to announce that he weighs 13 pounds and 5 oz, thus ALMOST doubling his birth weight of 7 pounds 8 oz! (and he's only 9 weeks old!). The doctor was very pleased with how things seem to be going, he and the staff all commented that he looked like a little boy now as opposed to just a baby. *snif* My little man is growing up!

Paul was fussy in the evening after his appointment, but I am relieved to say that he didn't get a fever, or bruising or anything like that. He even still slept 10 hours during the night, which was amazing. He's such a good little boy. I just love him to pieces.

Oh..wanna know something really stupidly dumb?

okay....

It's only been 9 weeks since Paul was born and I am feeling pretty much back to my old self before I had him and things and I am already thinking of actually wanting another baby so Paul can have a sibling! How dumb is that? Of course, I don't want to get pregnant any time soon. I want to wait at least a year if not more before trying for number 2...but the fact that I can actually think about a second child right now, just boggles my mind. I would definitely be having another child for Paul, not for me though. I am content with just him...but I don't want him to be alone, so having any more children would be doing it for him. :)

Anyways, I must run...paul should be getting up from his nap soon-ish.

Hi!

Okay, so today I am trying to start putting Paul on a nap time routine. (b/c I have been having trouble pin pointing how often and when Paul has been sleeping during the day). SO far so good. Here is what I am trying to do:

When Paul gets up during the day (meaning any time after 5am), give him his bottle and keep him up and entertain him till after his second bottle, then try laying him down for his morning nap. When he gets up from his morning nap, give him a bottle and keep him up, entertaining him till after his fourth bottle, then lay him down for his afternoon nap. When he wakes up from that, give him a bottle and keep him up till after the bed time routine when we will put him down for the night.

So far, he woke up for the day at 6:10am and it was very difficult keeping him awake till his next bottle b/c I have normally tried to put him right back to sleep in the past only b/c I didn't want to be up for the day, but I realized that I can't do that after he's slept 7, 8 or 9 hours during the night...he needs to be up. SO, we played and I read him stories etc and all that jazz. Then he started rubbing his eyes around 8:30am, so I gave him a bottle and put him down for his morning nap around 9:15am. So far so good...*crosses fingers*

I know how important it is to be consistent...and I am not worried really about the time of when his naps are etc, but I want to be consistent about how i put him down for a nap and how long in between naps he goes...ie...after every second bottle he goes for a nap kinda deal. So long as he gets a morning and afternoon nap its all good. (especially since Paul is basically sleeping thru the night now and gets a large lump of sleep during that time, he really only has to have two..to three...naps a day). I'm not turning the lights down low or anything like that b/c otherwise he will think it's night time and I don't want him to do that...I need him to know it's day time but he's having a nap so I can help him to distinguish things.

On other news, I think we are getting a sitter tonight *cheers* one of chris' co workers is coming over for a few hours. I think Chris and I are going to go to the beach and go swimming and maybe out for a coffee in the evening! I'm excited :)

That's my news for now...Leave a note :)

HI!

I stole these pictures from my brother, Brad, from their visit. Enjoy!

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Hi!!!

Yesterday, my brother, Brad, and his wife, Karsha, came over to visit us and to see Paul. We had such a great time. They haven't seen Paul since he was one day old, so it was very nice to see them. I commented to them that if this is what it took to see them so often, I would have had children YEARS ago! lol hehe. Anyways, they got here around 4pm and left around 9pm. Paul was in his bouncer chair when they got here and he (paul) fussed immediately, so I literally lifted him up, told Brad he wasn't as fragile not and handed paul over to him. It was quite amusing. hehe.

We went for dinner to my favourite restaurant. We got there late, so we were the only ones eating at the time, so when Paul got fussy, Chris 'flew' Paul around the room over and over playing airplane. It was pretty funny. Paul really liked it. The waitress even took him for awhile so we could eat. lol

Anyways, behind the cut are some pictures...I have no idea on the size b/c I don't know how to change them. so beware!!!

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Leave a note!

Hi!

Paul had his doctor's appointment today. It went well :) He has grown another 1/2 an inch...and now is 22 inches long and he weighs...get this! 11 pounds 1 oz!!!! I nearly fell over! I can't believe it! He now weighs more than my cats :) hehe. The doctor was very impressed with him and how he is growing so that is awsome. We go back early next month for his first round of shots poor thing!

I was so proud of Paul last night! He went to bed and was asleep by 11pm and he didn't wake up till 7am when we had to get up anyways!!! How awsome is that! I was so excited!!! He did fabulous! Also, Chris and I went to the movies last night and left Paul with a co worker of his for the evening. I was pretty nervous b/c she wasn't family and I didn't know her that well, but it went great. Chris and I had a nice time alone and Paul was very well behaved and didn't cry really till just before we got there!

Paul and Chris just had a shower together, and I gave Paul a massage afterwards and put on his pjs, which he is starting to grow out of almost all of the newborn and the o-3month ones :( It's so sad that he is growing up so fast!!! Chris is feeding him so I can have some time to relax for a bit which is so nice :)

Anyways, that is it for now. Leave a note!

Hi!

Here are some pictures taken from our new digital camera. :) they are mostly all of Paul who is super cute and is already 5 weeks old!

Enjoy!

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Hi!

I keep forgetting to write in this journal! lol Paul was being super fussy, but I think it was because he wasn't feeling too good b/c after he ate his bottle he threw it all back up again. That was super pleasant. I got him and me and the couch all cleaned up again, but he was pretty upset afterwards and fussy. I tried my best to comfort and distract him. He finally went back down for a nap about 12:30pm. He's been a good little sleeper since last night. He went down about midnight and got up at 4:45am but was back to sleep by 5:15am and slept till 7:40am then back to sleep by 8:30am...back up again by 10:45am and back to sleep at 12:30pm. That's a little unusual...he doesn't normally sleep that much during the day anymore...maybe it's a growth spurt or something.

Last night, we decided to have a shower with Paul again. It's the second time. IT was really funny. He practically almost fell asleep in the shower from the water etc. It was so neat. He really seems to like showers. He never cries unless he is getting cold. Chris holds him while I clean him. It is a good working system...then I take him out and get him in his pjs while Chris finishes showering.

I can't believe that Paul is one month old already!!! The time has actually gone pretty fast when u stop to think about it. I feel like I just know him from somewhere...he seems so familiar to me. Very strange he has only been around for a month instead of my whole life.

anyways, I should run....Leave a note

Hi!

The neatest thing happened last night. Chris and I had a shower with Paul for the first time. Technically, it was Chris having a shower with Paul, but he was afraid on the in case that Paul got too slippery, he wanted me in there for assurance. So, we did. It was so much fun. I washed Paul while Chris held him. The absolute funny thing is he NEVER cried...not even a whimper! NOTHING. I was very surprised. I thought for sure he would be scared, but NOPE. He was quiet. He seemed to really like it. Then I held him for awhile and he pee'd on me. lol That was hilarious. Luckily, I was already in the water...so no worries.

we had a great time!!!!

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